Shave and a haircut... 2 bits

Okay, so if you're old enough to know the expression... admit it, you just sang it in your head!!

If you don't know what I'm talking about... then you'll just have to Google it.

So back to the main thought. Where can you go in Kitchener Waterloo if you want to get a haircut and a shave? Now when I say haircut... I don't mean stylist. A barber and a stylist are two completely different things. Some subtle differences:

Barbers don't usually take appointments, you walk in and wait your turn for the next available chair, much like we do with evertyhing else in life... movies, restaurants, grocery stores, etc. Stylists require appointments, and usually well in advance. That doesn't work for the spontaneous crowd. Yes, make no mistake that by "spontaneous" I actually mean those who can't, won't, don't plan ahead and realize at the last minute that they have to get their hair cut. Yes, mostly men.

Barbers don't waste time washing and conditioning your hair before they cut it. Spray some water on it and get to business. Sytlists wash your hair, condition your hair, massage your scalp, make sure you have the products with Liang Liang in them, yada yada yada.

A barber's favourite tool is a pair of clippers, or several. A stylist lives to snip her scissors much like Johnny Depp in 'Edward Scissorhands".

Don't get me wrong here... I am not bashing stylists. I have had them and they do a wonderful job.. I am merely commending the age old practice of barbering.

Enter the Walper Barber Shop. A quaint little shop located in the Walper Hotel in downtown Kitchener at King and Queen St.

From the moment that you walk in the door, it brings back memories of travelling to Adolph's Barber Shop with my Dad when I was a kid for a "buzz cut". (Adolph's was in Kenora, ON by the way).

There are 4 chairs in the shop, and it's a long and narrow room... with high windows on the one edge looking out onto Queen St.

I have been here once before when my friend Brad had received a less than admirable attempt at a flat-top haircut, and we came here to try and have it "fixed".

Here is the heart of the story... to get a Flat-Top haircut, you really have to do your research. Lots of people, barbers and stylists alike, will say "Sure I can do a Flat-Top"... which is what the last guy said to Brad. He could not, and it was quite apparent after he started shaving away. I'm not going to lie to you, it was a little funny to watch, and to see the look on Brad's face (sorry B).

So back to the Walper... There are 4 barbers... 2 men, and 2 women. A woman Barber you ask... and to that I say Yes... 2 of them. Seems odd doesn't it... I mean women can't do that... they couldn't possibly be a barber, or a construction worker, or a judge, or a cop, or a hockey player... I think you get my point.

In order to understand this, let's see what Barber means:

bar⋅ber
–noun 1. a person whose occupation it is to cut and dress the hair of customers, esp. men, and to shave or trim the beard.

So... a barber is a person. Hmmm... not a man, a person. That should clear that up.

So, entering the shop, I am greeted by all the barbers: Linda, Robert, Sandra, and I think the other one's name is Johnny... but I'm not sure. His name is Johnny now though, well to me anyway.

It's Robert's turn to take the next customer, and I tell him that I'm looking for a Flat-Top, and I want the person who is the best at it... and I immediately get told "We're all great at a FlatTop". I proceed to tell him that I also want a straight-razor shave. He immediately says "Linda will take you".

You see... a straight-razor shave, or a "face shave" as Linda calls it, is a dying art among barbers. As I understand it The Health Commission stepped in some time ago and told barbers that this practice should be discontinued because you could potentially transmit disease and you're dealing with the potential to cut people and be exposed to their blood, and you could die, or be sued, or something like that. I'm not too sure because the last time that I heard the explanation of it, I was in Sault Ste. Marie getting a "face shave" done.

So, there aren't many places that you can find this anymore, and even in the places that do it, it's an art. Linda and Johnny are the only ones that do it in the Walper. Robert is thinking about getting back into it... but hasn't done it in a very long time.

The Flat-Top is first... and Linda is a perfectionist. She shaves the sides with a "0" guide and then asks me how short I want to go... I reply "Make me look like I'm leaving to go overseas to fight" and I chuckle. She starts with her trust clippers in hand and shaves, and clips, and shaves, and spins the chair and when I come back around and see in the mirror... I can't believe that this woman, er rather this barber, has evenly shaped my head in exactly what I've asked for. Save one spot that looks like a bulge out of the side of my head. Okay, it was a little spot that was missed... but I noticed it.

Most barbers or stylists would ask "how does it look?" and then try and fix what you tell them... not Linda! She moved the chair to and fro, and looked over the top of my head into the mirror... spun me again and buzz... nailed the spot that I noticed without me uttering a word. She then asked "Is that short enough... or should I take off more?"

What? An option? "Shorter would be great.", I replied to her... happy that she didn't make me look like a bald eagle and then ask if it was too short. Apparently Linda is also a carpenter... Measure twice and cut once, because if it's too short, no matter how many times you cut it after that... it will still be too short. (Another thing that B and I know too well)

I should also mention that as I look out the picturesque window, it is snowing heavily, and people are rushing by on their way to lunch, back to work, etc., and I am reminded of a Norman Rockwell painting... seriously.

So the Flat-Top is perfect and now on to the "Face Shave". It still makes me chuckle when I type that... I don't know why, it just does.

We start with a hot towel on the face to open the pores and soften the skin. Then she applies a healthy lather of shaving cream across my face, up to my ears, down on my neck.... oh wait, I forgot to mention that the barber chair has been reclined so that I am in a better position than most first class airline seats.

Next is another hot towel over the shaving cream to help the skin soak up the moisturizers. Then another batch of shaving cream and we are ready to get going. Linda is firm but gently in the way that she positions my head, and she is delicate with the straight razor even when it is perched near my carotid or my adam's apple. Not for a moment do I fear for my life... I'm actually trusting a strange woman that is holding a sharp instrument to my throat, and I'm not scared at all. This may have happened in the past once or twice... but that's another blog.

So after the first round of shaving... there is another applique of shaving cream, and what felt like a sharper razor being used.

Follow this with a cold towel to close the pores and provide some relief to sensitive skin (which I have)... but not without warning to you that "This is going to be cold... and I'm sorry but it needs to be done."

Following that, Linda starts rubbing something all over my face... I catch glimpses and it seems like it might be a chunk of deodorant stick (from the sight, not the feel or smell) and I ask what it is because I have never had this experience. It's tingly and it stings a little but I'm told it's an Alum stick. (I think that's what she said)... which makes sense because alum is a styptic or astringent, meaning that it causes organic tissue to contract. This causes the pores to close.

Next I am offered a choice of an alcohol pat or a moisturizing lotion. She explained that the moisturizer has to be rubbed in, so you get a mini face massage as well. I'm no chump, so I take the moisturizer and am asked if "cocoa butter" is okay with me. I started out at a Barber shop and now I'm at a mini-spa for men... this day is getting so much better.

My face is smoother than a baby's butt... my head looks like I just got drafted into the military... but better than a military barber could do, and I'm heading back to work feeling like a new man.

If you've never had this done... you need to, at least once in your life... but I'll almost guarantee that once you've done it, you will continue to want it. It's like anything in life we enjoy right?

Pop into the Walper and see Linda, Robert, Sandra, and Johnny... (still not sure if that's his name or not), you won't be disappointed at all... and you can save money, be treated like a man should be treated when he's getting his hair cut, and tell your wife that you're not going back to her stylist anymore!!

Haircut - $13.00
Shave - $13.00
Finding a barber that can do an amazing flat top and face shave - priceless